I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
