im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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