I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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