So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
