Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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