U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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