She said her name was "party"
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
