Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
