did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
