I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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