I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
