last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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