Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
