he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
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No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
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I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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