Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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