I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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