it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
is wine microwaveable?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
