There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
