someone get that fucking seahorse.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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