Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
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i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
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You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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