so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
