I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I need moral support for this bender
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
