I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
