So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
