You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
