i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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