If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
