you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
