oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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