This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
