I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
