Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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