And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
