Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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