how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
