I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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