was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
