I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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