Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
It's rum buckets o'clock
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
my liver is dry heaving
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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