i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
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The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
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There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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