Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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