Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize