I wish i was in the wii world.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
