I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
