well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
