He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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