i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I think im going to throw up on grandma
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
