It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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