i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
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