For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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