Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
