I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Houston, we have a squirter
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
