This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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