The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
