shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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