my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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