I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
