she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
