You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I look better un-naked...
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
