I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize