My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
