all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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