my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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