You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
