I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
