I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
