Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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