Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
