false alarm. still invincible.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
