You made me cry and you don't even care
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Sext me about skeletons
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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