Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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